While in college for a Bachelors (and 2 Masters), I never enjoyed writing and when asked to come up with 4-10 pages of anything I would roll my eyes. Yet, this blog has well over 60. Which makes me laugh because if seven out of eight couples were to document their journey to conceiving, it would read something like this, “We had sex and got pregnant.”
At some point while we were walking this long road to baby, I decided to break out the keyboard and put my emotions down on the screen. In many ways it gave me an outlet to express all the emotions that I felt guilty and ashamed for having. Now that I am pregnant, it means the world to me to have our path documented so I can look back and see how far we have come and how much I have changed. I will never forget the days that were our darkest, or the losses we have experienced, because they are the ones that make our celebrations more meaningful, and our hearts explode with gratitude every week that passes.
If anyone ever gets the chance to read this blog, I hope you know how vulnerable I was, and how exposed my heart is during every post and every moment of this journey, and give me grace. Our journey to baby starts at the top (Blank Page Before You) and continues all the way down to the present. If you don’t read it, that’s okay, too. Here are the cliff notes. 🙂
- Pregnant on the honeymoon – miscarriage
- Tried for a year and then went to Women and Infants Infertility
- Diagnosed with Diminished Ovarian Reserve – told to go straight to IVF for best chances
- MRI discovers a mass on my ovary – referred to oncology
- Oncologist recommends removing the unknown mass via surgery, possibility of cancer
- IVF round 1 – 2 PGS embryos on ice
- Laparoscopy to remove mass (benign thank God) and whole ovary
- IVF round 2 – 1 PGS embryo on ice
- IVF round 3 – 3 PGS embryos on ice
- More testing completed (AMH blood work increased and looks like I am unexplained infertility)
- FET 1 – embryo does not implant
- More testing completed (sonohystogram, ERA, RPL blood work)
- FET 2 – embryo does not implant
- FET 3 – embryo does not implant
- FET 4 different protocol – embryo implants and we miscarry at 6 weeks
- MVA (manual vacuum aspiration)
- Research different clinics
- NY Specialist suggests I have endometriosis and should have a surgery to remove it
- We decided to make the switch to Boston IVF
- More testing completed
- Hysteroscopy reveals scar tissue and endometritis in the uterus (result of the MVA)
- Sign up with an agency to be put on the waitlist for a gestational carrier
- IVF round 4 – 4 PGS embryos on ice (all FDA approved in case we need a carrier)
- Hysteroscopy reveals scar tissue still remains
- See a Dr. who specializes in the uterus – suggests I have adenomyosis and need another surgery
- Sign paperwork for specialist in NY to look for endometriosis
- Decide we are done with surgeries and are close to being matched with a carrier
- A friend offers to carry for us, begin the health insurance review and paperwork
- Meet with Boston IVF who suggests to try 1 last time in my body using Lovenox
- By a little luck, a whole lot of science, and the grace of God…We are pregnant!
breakdown and rally 